Stuck In A Rut
by Iasonas
Summary: Merlinus finds himself stuck in a rut, literally, and figuratively. Part of my continuing quest to give love to those under appreciated characters of FE. Go Merlinus! Oneshot. Please review!


Stuck In a Rut 

Merlinus looked about himself and shivered. The sun was shining high over the dirt path he was on, but the surrounding forest was dark and ominous. Merlinus pulled his cloak tighter and urged his pony forward, trying in vain to get it to go faster than a slow trot.

Merlinus cursed the old beast. Ever since he had moved his goods from his tent into his new cart, Eliwood and Hector had been expecting him to keep up with the front line.

"_Now that you're mobile Merlinus, you'll have to stay close. We can't waste this opportunity. If someone needs to replace their weapon, you'll be right there," they had said. And Merlinus, like the fool he was, had nodded, saying, "Oh yes of course. A great opportunity indeed!"_

Merlinus had long ago lost sight of the army, and even his personal escort had left him in the dust, bored with the menial task assigned to her. But what did they expect, giving him an ancient pony like that, he grumbled. Perhaps if they had given him a noble steed, like the one Sir Marcus had- God knew he barely used it these days anyway- perhaps then he could perform his duties. But instead, he was saddled with this graying mare, more suited to grazing than galloping.

Merlinus looked about himself again. She may not have been good company, but Merlinus would have dearly liked to have his escort, Vaida, with him right now. Who knew what manner of miscreants might slip through the front lines, and stumble upon a helpless old merchant?

She had flown off on that terrible beast of hers. Umbriel she called it. If he had a gold coin for every time that monster of hers had almost had his head…

_"Bah!" she had said, "why does Eliwood insist on pairing me with you? My lance craves the battlefield, not transport duty! You know what, merchant? I don't think he trusts me. That must be it."_

_"I don't think-"_

_"I'll never prove my worth to him guarding you. Gah, this is infuriating."_

_"Dame Vaida, I-" but he was cut off again by the loud screech her wyvern made as they rose up into the air._

_"I'm off to battle. Don't worry merchant, nothing ever happens back here anyway." And with that she was gone, leaving Merlinus alone and defenseless._

He was jolted from his thoughts as the cart came to a sudden stop. He cursed the pony once more and urged her on, but to no avail. The pony pulled and pulled, but could not move the cart. Merlinus muttered under his breath as he jumped to the ground.

"Oh by Elmine's light!" he swore angrily as he saw the cause of the problem: the back wheels were caught in a large rut, and no amount of pulling on the pony's part was going to fix it.

There was no helping it, Merlinus decided. He would have to get down and apply some old fashioned elbow grease. He rolled up his sleeves and got himself into position. Merlinus pushed with all his might and the cart… didn't budge. Merlinus stepped back, his face flushed with effort.

"Why do these things always happen to me?" moaned Merlinus to himself. How was he going to get himself out of this one? Perhaps-

Merlinus didn't get to finish that thought.

"Well, well, well, wot have we 'ere?" came a gruff voice from behind him. Merlinus turned slowly, his forehead breaking out in a cold sweat.

Merlinus didn't like what he saw. Standing a small ways down the road was a scruffy looking bandit. He was a big man, with long straggly hair, blackened teeth, and too many scars to count. Merlinus noticed that his left arm hung limp at his side, covered in blood.

He gave Merlinus a horrible, broken smile.

"Looks like they gone an' left the merchant all by 'is lonesome, eh?" he laughed a ghastly laugh.

"S-stay away from me!" shrieked a terrified Merlinus. He backed up into the cart's rear. He looked around him. There was nowhere to go.

The bandit started to advance slowly, pulling out a long crooked dagger as he approached, grinning the whole time.

In desperation, Merlinus looked into the cart, scanning the rows and rows of weapons. There was enough steel in there to equip an entire army, but they were useless to Merlinus, who had never so much lifted a sword let alone killed a man.

But there! That bow! He grabbed it franticly, reaching also for a single arrow. He put the two together and aimed it, rather shakily, at the approaching bandit.

This brought even more laughter to the bandit's mouth, chuckling at the sight of the portly merchant holding the bow.

"What are ye plannin' to do with that, mate? Shoot me? Hah, don't make me laugh. You've never shot an arrer in yer life, have ye?"

Merlinus furrowed his brow in a futile attempt at looking menacing.

"I'll have you know sir, I'm quite the shot with a bow and arrow. If I were you, I'd turn back now!"

That only served to further the bandit's amusement. But to be fair to Merlinus, that statement was actually half-true. His thoughts drifted back to a day a few weeks ago.

"Ah! Lady Louise! I have something you'll be very interested in," exclaimed the droll merchant as Louise wandered by his tent. She looked up and gave him one of her huge smiles, the one that always melted Merlinus' heart and made him feel like a young boy again. 

_"Merlinus?" asked a confused Louise, and Merlinus, to his embarrassment realized he had been daydreaming, a goofy grin plastered to his face. _

_"Er… excuse me miss," laughed Merlinus, a decibel or two higher than necessary. "If you'll follow me." He lead her deeper into the tent, which, while appearing small from the outside, was really quite massive from the inside. The shelves were lined with rows and rows of lances, swords, bows, halberds, pikes, javelins, axes, rapiers, staves and tomes. If you could kill somebody with it, it was probably in his tent._

_ He stopped in front of a row of bows, and pulled out an exquisite looking piece. Louise eyes grew wide at the sight of it._

_"Merlinus, it's beautiful!" she said, taking it in her hands. "Where did you-"_

_"The local merchants told me it was their finest model. Crafted by expert bowmakers. I thought, I thought you might like it," Merlinus blushed furiously._

_"I love it Merlinus," she said and gave him a peck on the forehead. Merlinus blushed even deeper._

_"I was thinking Merlinus…"_

_"Yes?"_

_"Do you know how to use any weapons?"_

_"Weapons? No, no, not at all. I-I don't believe in violence."_

_"But what if you were attacked?" Loise asked, the concern for the merchant evident in her tone. "You would be defenseless!"_

_"Well, Eliwood usually makes sure I have a guard of some sort…"_

_"Oh Merlinus, that will never do! Come, I will show you how to use a bow. It will be fun."_

_"But-me, fight?" stammered Merlinus. "I'm-I'm far too old to start learning new tricks!"_

_"Oh come now," said Louise, and she flashed him another smile, and all of a sudden, Merlinus forgot why what they were talking about._

_"Don't worry, it's really quite easy."_

_Merlinus nodded dumbly and followed after her, not quite sure what had just happened. _

_So for the next hour they practiced. Merlinus was terrible, that much was a given. But Louise was so calm, so patient that-_

"Hey! What's goin' on over there? Have ye forgotten 'bout me already?" The bandit's voice snapped Merlinus back to reality, shattering his daydream about the lovely Lady Louise.

"I-I'm s-sorry!" stammered Merlinus, a little embarrassed to have kept the bandit waiting. "I got side tracked," he offered feebly.

The bandit gave Merlinus a piercing stare before nodding sagely.

"'Tis a woman, ain't it?" he asked.

Merlinus gasped at the bandit's uncanny insight into his thoughts.

"Ha mate, I've been around enough men to know when their thoughts are on lady," he said. He sheathed his dagger and walked forward, his good arm out stretched. "The name's Corgey, mate. Put 'er there," he said offering his hand to a very confused Merlinus. Merlinus took the hand in his own, all the while expecting the worst.

"Mer-Merlinus."

"Ye know Merlinus, I had a girl o' me own once. Ha, I saw that look mate, don't be ashamed. Yesiree, ol' Corgey had a lady to call 'is own once upon a time…" he trailed off, staring off into the distance.

Merlinus squirmed uncomfortably. He didn't trust this Corgey character farther than he could see him. Or smell him for that matter. Merlinus wrinkled his nose. _The man hasn't bathed in more than a year_, thought Merlinus unhappily.

"Course back then, I was a right sight prettier, let me tell you mate. Muvvers would lock up their daughters when ol' Corgey came to town, if ye can believe it."

Merlinus nodded politely. Looking at the ugly lump of a man that stood before him, Merlinus had a hard time believing it.

"Anyways, I came 'ome one day an' found 'er in bed wiv me best mate," said Corgey, shaking his head. "So you know wot I did?" he asked, grinning broadly.

Merlinus shook his head, not sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"I slit their throats! Hah!" he laughed his evil laugh, giving Merlinus a full blast of his awful breath. Merlinus tried to force a smile, but it came out as an awkward grimace. Luckily, Corgey didn't notice, to busy laughing at his own wit.

"You're all right mate, ye know that?" said Corgey, giving Merlinus a playful punch on the arm.

"Err…thanks," said Merlinus, uncomfortably. He returned the friendly punch rather awkwardly.

"Ah! Me arm!" Corgey cried out in pain, grasping his injured arm. "Wot are you? Crazy?"

"I-I'm so sorry," squeaked a terrified Merlinus, waiting for the rusty dagger to put him out of his misery. But none of that was forthcoming, Corgey was too busy cradling his maimed arm.

"I-it was an accident! I swear!" stammered Merlinus. "I know! Vulenaries! That'll make you feel better." Merlinus dived into the back of the cart, and emerged moments later clutching an armful of small brown sacks. "Here, here, take as many as you want."

"Ho ho, vulenaries. I think I been working for the wrong side, mate," he laughed heartily and downed the contents of three of the bags at once. "I feel better already. No 'arm done, eh mate?" said Corgey, grinning widely. "But I'll yell you wot, those vullies 'ave made me a tad thirsty, if you know wot I mean."

"Ah, I have just the thing!" said Merlinus returning back into the cart, before emerging this time with a bottle of wine and two small glasses. "A nice red Kathalet, eights years, I believe," said Merlinus, rather proudly.

"Lemme see, mate." Merlinus handed him the bottle. He looked over the label, nodding sagely.

"Does it meet your tastes?" asked Merlinus hopefully.

"Hah, well, I never learned me letters, mate. 'Tis no wyvern whiskey, but it'll do in a pinch," he stuck his dagger into the cork and yanked it out savagely. He took a long swig straight from the bottle, before proffering it to Merlinus.

"Not bad mate. A man could get used to that sorta drink. Have a go?"

Merlinus wrinkled his nose and placed the two glasses back into the cart.

"Ah…no I don't think I will. Too early for me."

"Hah, suit yerself Merly, all the more for me," he took another long swig. "You know, Merly, I really hate to drink an' run, but I figger it's about time I was headin' back."

"Oh… oh of course."

"You don't mind if I 'ang on t' this here bottle? Ye know, fer the memories."

"No, no, please keep it. It was nice meeting you Mr. Corgey."

"Haha, Mr. Corgey. You're a funny one. 'Twas nice meetin' ye too Mr. Merlinus. I'll be off then," Corgey turned to go.

"Wait, before you go…"

"Eh?"

"Umm… do you think you could help me out of this, uh rut?" he asked, pointing to the back wheel.

"Hah, sure mate. Anythin' for you Merly." He and Merlinus got into position behind the cart. "Ready, steady, push!" they both heaved ho and the cart jumped forward with a lurch.

"An' Bob's yer uncle mate. 'Ave a good 'un." With that, he was off into the woods, bottle in hand, singing a lewd ballad loudly to himself as he went.

Merlinus chuckled to himself. "What would the others say" He got back onto the driver's seat of the cart and urged his pony forward, shaking his head with amusement.

It was some five minutes later that he heard a familiar screeching noise from ahead. Over the horizon came that horrible beast and its equally horrible rider.

Vaida and her wyvern came to rest next to Merlinus' cart, considerably upsetting the poor old pony. It was not hard to tell from Vaida's expression that she was not happy with where she was.

"There you are," she snarled. "I told Eliwood that you were fine, that nothing ever happens to the merchant, that's there was no problem leaving you alone by yourself. Gah… he insisted that I return immediately…"

"Well, you might be interested to-"

"Why doesn't he trust me? He wouldn't even listen to me!"

"Actually, I think-"

"Do you know how infuriating it is to talk to someone who won't even listen?"

"Just a little-"

"But that's what's good about you merchant, you're a good listener."

"Well…"

They went on in silence for a while.

"Tell me merchant; did _anything_ happen while I was gone? Surely something must have occurred."

Merlinus smiled, "It's like you said Dame Vaida, _nothing_ ever happens to the merchant."


End file.
